You know all those assignments they are making you do, where you write about what you will be doing or where you’ll be in 10 years? Well, there are a couple of things I’m afraid to tell you.
You’ll be pleased (probably) to learn that you did survive to see 2025! It was touch and go at a few moments here and there, but you pushed through and arose to the challenge every time.
You graduated from college in 2022, taking 6 years total to finish it up. I’m proud of you for sticking with it: graduating in 4 years is a ridiculous expectation anyways. You accomplished a lot during that time, and made lots of friends. I wouldn’t say you made enemies per se, but be on the lookout: trust your gut and protect your heart. You graduated cum laude, which basically means that your {sorry for this} obsession with good grades stayed strong till the end.
You did technically graduate single, but trust me, it’s better that way: you quickly reconnected and fell in love with the most amazing man and you get to marry him, followed by hosting the world’s BEST dance party at the reception.
I’m not going to tell you his name, because when you first met, he was not the love of your life: you actually weren’t a very good match for each other at all. You both had growing to do. Trust me when I say that he is worth the wait.
He gets you. like, GETS you. You have such similar backgrounds, interests, and passions for life. You are not exactly the same, because that would be recipe for disaster. But he loves you, more deeply and more truly than you can even conceive of right now. He brings out the most courageous and confident version of yourself. He is also hot as hell and makes you feel the same.
Oh yeah, the swearing. You swear now. Frequently. Your first time swearing was in an acting class at BYU and it was terrifying and exhilarating: your language was finally your own and the responsibility of everyone else’s salvation was no longer on the line every time you opened your mouth.
I guess I should break the news you were always most afraid of hearing: Tiffany, you are no longer a member of the church.
Please do not hear this news and use it as an opportunity to become even more devout and obsessive about your discipleship: you did EVERYTHING you possibly could have. You went through the temple on December 27th, 2017. It was lovely. Don’t listen to the people who make jokes about it being creepy: it is simply a sacred ritual. I do miss the temple. But not enough to go back. You didn’t leave the church: The church left you. I know how scared this news must make you feel because I remember how terrified I was about becoming a moral-less heathen. The thing is… I left the church BECAUSE of my morals. I left BECAUSE the organization no longer reflected what I believe is right, and I owed you the opportunity to live with integrity.
Leaving was the most brave thing I have ever done in my life. Please remember that as you interact with friends who have left— it’s not the ‘easy way out’, it is the hardest decision a person can make. I’m not here to tell you to leave now, although a lot of therapy money could be saved if you did; I’m here to ask you to be curious. Why did you feel the need to prove to everyone that you were the MOST faithful person alive? Why did you even bear your testimony in your journal each night, knowing that you were the only person to read it?
Living authentically doesn’t require convincing everyone including yourself that you are a certain way, it just requires living that way.
Speaking of authenticity, please for the love of god stop being so horrible toward every gay person in your life! You say you’re being kind, but you’re just being homophobic. My friend, the call is coming from inside the house. Don’t be fooled by the fact you are going to marry a man: there’s a reason you got butterflies whenever your best friends played with your hair, and there’s a reason you were convinced that going on dates with popular guys would “fix” you. We both know that girls are just objectively hotter than guys… but I have news for you, friend: straight girls don’t say that. My advice to you: start kissing girls! It’s super fun! And far safer than kissing men, generally speaking.
I can almost see your face reading this: you are horrified. How could your life have possibly gone so far off the rails? How could you abandon every part of yourself that you hold dear? I’m going to let you in on a secret: not everything in life is so black or white. There is grey in between all these things and grey does not = bad.
The life ahead of you is pretty scary, I won’t lie to you. It is also so lovely and worthwhile. I won’t tell you not to be afraid: keep moving forward even when you do feel afraid. Take care of your body. Please feed yourself: starving and skinny is not worth your mental and physical health. Be open to new stories. Give yourself some grace.
And don’t go off your anxiety meds in January of 2020. Just trust me on this one.
