You know those people that get to college and cry themselves to sleep every night because the adjustment is so big?
You know those people who text or call their mother, begging her to take them home because they just can't deal anymore?
You know those people that get distracted while writing blog posts about college by all the pictures on their walls, staring at them wistfully and wishing they could go back?
I SWORE I would never be that person.
I figured, yeah I have anxiety, but it's manageable. I've learned so many ways to cope.
I'm also very mature for my age. I've been through a lot and have come out way stronger because of it.
I DO NOT understand why I'm having such a hard time here.
I'm lonely, which I know 'everyone's lonely and noone has friends this fast' but that's crap. All my roommates have friends and I watch people make new friends every day in front of my eyes.
I know, 'You just need to join clubs, get yourself out there' but if it was that easy I'd have friends rn and I just... don't. I get along with my roommates but it's not like I can talk to them about... well, the things I blog about, I guess. I can't get together with them and hike the Y just because.
And a dating life?
yeah I wish.
nonexistent. completely absent.
There are plenty of cute guys here but they keep getting distracted by all the bodacious blondes with white teeth and already know their major, minor, and how many kids they want. They're not interested in the 17-year-old who wants nothing more than to fit in here.
My roommates invite people over every night (through morning... errrrrrrg). They all get along so well with their friends but you know what happened when I even said hi? Stares. Utter silence. Nothing.
I don't think I've ever cried this hard and this often in my life. I gave that up in second grade but apparently my sensitive side is coming back to haunt me.
I feel weak. I feel trapped. I feel numb.
My google searches have come up with the same suggestions for how to make friends... but none of them work if you're apparently not even a fun person to be around.
I love the school. I love the atmosphere. But I hate crying so much and I hate hiding in a corner of campus to stop getting laughed at for my age or just for being me. I hate that my real friends live a half hour away and I hate that I have to be an adult and worry about finances and groceries and inter/intrapersonal relationships and I hate that I'm not still in high school.
I wish people could get past my age, or my face, or my tears, or my shortcomings. I respect that it takes a lot of effort, and I don't ask much. At least... try to get to know me? Please?
Anyone?
You know those people who text or call their mother, begging her to take them home because they just can't deal anymore?
You know those people that get distracted while writing blog posts about college by all the pictures on their walls, staring at them wistfully and wishing they could go back?
I SWORE I would never be that person.
I figured, yeah I have anxiety, but it's manageable. I've learned so many ways to cope.
I'm also very mature for my age. I've been through a lot and have come out way stronger because of it.
I DO NOT understand why I'm having such a hard time here.
I'm lonely, which I know 'everyone's lonely and noone has friends this fast' but that's crap. All my roommates have friends and I watch people make new friends every day in front of my eyes.
I know, 'You just need to join clubs, get yourself out there' but if it was that easy I'd have friends rn and I just... don't. I get along with my roommates but it's not like I can talk to them about... well, the things I blog about, I guess. I can't get together with them and hike the Y just because.
And a dating life?
yeah I wish.
nonexistent. completely absent.
There are plenty of cute guys here but they keep getting distracted by all the bodacious blondes with white teeth and already know their major, minor, and how many kids they want. They're not interested in the 17-year-old who wants nothing more than to fit in here.
My roommates invite people over every night (through morning... errrrrrrg). They all get along so well with their friends but you know what happened when I even said hi? Stares. Utter silence. Nothing.
I don't think I've ever cried this hard and this often in my life. I gave that up in second grade but apparently my sensitive side is coming back to haunt me.
I feel weak. I feel trapped. I feel numb.
My google searches have come up with the same suggestions for how to make friends... but none of them work if you're apparently not even a fun person to be around.
I love the school. I love the atmosphere. But I hate crying so much and I hate hiding in a corner of campus to stop getting laughed at for my age or just for being me. I hate that my real friends live a half hour away and I hate that I have to be an adult and worry about finances and groceries and inter/intrapersonal relationships and I hate that I'm not still in high school.
I wish people could get past my age, or my face, or my tears, or my shortcomings. I respect that it takes a lot of effort, and I don't ask much. At least... try to get to know me? Please?
Anyone?
I felt this. Like a lot. This was really real. It gets better. At least that's what everyone will continue to say to you.
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome
ReplyDeleteI know this feeling. I hit a low point like this during my winter semester at BYU Idaho. Nothing is wrong with you. The people who don't like you for you don't matter. The best you can do is be authentic. That's more than a lot of people can claim.
ReplyDelete