It's that kind of day...

There are days when I'm normal. Happy, even. I have such a blessed life and person after person says hello in the hall. I feel pretty. I feel successful. I feel content.
And then.
And then I have days like today.
Outwardly, it's just like any other day.
I go to school, I finish my homework, I walk home. I come back for rehearsal. People say hello...
Maybe a little less than usual.
A silly jab makes my heart ache, even when the same thing didn't yesterday.
I see couple after couple in the halls, holding hands in the hall.... And instead of giggling at them, I find myself jealous. Jealous of the fact they have someone to talk to. Someone who will reassure them of their worth.
I can't concentrate on my homework, I waste time trying to get my mind off things.... but I don't even know what I'm trying to get my mind off of.
I feel ugly and worthless, often on days I should feel most beautiful.
I give up trying to weakly smile. I give up trying to act like everything is okay.
I walk home, stomach sinking to the ground, tears filling my eyes. I call every number on my contact list- everyone is busy and can't come over or too busy to even answer the phone. I sit alone on my bed. I don't even know what to do. My eyes find my dad's bag of  Brazil nuts, and imagine my throat swelling and breathing slowing as I ' forget' where I put my Epi Pen. I imagine the screams and tears and letters and announcements the next morning. And immediately try to push away all of those thoughts. I could never. I would never.
The thoughts turn to numbness, which is infinitely worse.
I escape my room and take the medication that's supposed to stop this from happening. I slowly return to my room.
I find a text on my phone. Em Pew is coming over. She comes through the door and hugs me without a word. She comforts me when I am at my lowest point.
When my shaking has ceased and my smile is no longer forced, we sing karaoke at the top of our lungs  until the world ends- and let me be the first to say we sound SO GOOD. When she leaves, I have all but forgotten the numbness, the pain, the hopelessness, the fear.
It's been a pretty normal day, after all.
Thank you, Em. For everything. You truly have changed me for good.