I dislike the crowded hallway

Pain demands to be felt. Experienced. Tasted. Relished. Hated. It demands all attention.
I'm generally a pretty happy person... I mean, if anything, I'm optimistic. Which means even when I'm not happy, I can turn it around pretty fast.  I'm kind and a good listener. Not too bossy, but not to quiet either. I stand up for myself when I need to.
So why do I seem to push away all those I love, those I want to get to know?
Why am I still a face to look past in the hall instead of at?
Why do I have to hear all the details about these awesome dates and parties and spontaneous hang outs after the fact? (HUGE PET PEEVE, BTW... MIGHT AS WELL SEND ME AN INVITATION SAYING DON'T COME CAUSE YOU'RE NOT INVITED SO I AT LEAST KNOW WHERE WE STAND)
Why do I attract people who remind me more of brothers than significant others,
But seem attracted to only those who see me as a little girl (if they see me at all)?
Why are the chemicals in my brain so set on me being either miserable, anxious, or exhausted?
This sounds and feels so childish...
But why don't people want to be my friend.
Yes, I know I have friends.
But how many have called me in tears, just needing to talk? Because I'm the one they need to talk to to feel better?
How many actually notice when I'm sitting alone in class, or on the verge of tears in the hall, and just give me a hug and talk to me?
How many invite me to things or even wonder where I am when surrounded by all OUR best friends without me?
I know. Me, me, me. I I I. So selfish.  I'm sorry guys. It's been that kind of decade.