I don't have "experience". I have never truly loved someone, outside my family and my best friends. Never romantic love. Which is kinda sad, but also from the way everyone talks about it, it sounds pretty horrible. Sorry to say.
I've never had my heart broken.
I almost wish I had though.
My one experience with a relationship was equal to me giving everything.
EVERYTHING.
And getting next to nothing in return.
"What do you want to do?" -me
"I don't care." -him
"Whatever you want" -him
"idk" -him.
But the quintessential moment, the first kiss given under a waterfall, wasn't that worth it?
Well, yes. Because now I have the story.
But did we have chemistry?
Did I spend all night on the phone with him, talking about the meaning of life?
Did he surprise me with cute things?
Did all my dreams come true?
no.
I mean, come on. We dated for like a month.
and it seems like a whole lot of relationships end up the same way for a lot of people.
I have so much love and trust to give, but I've learned that I tend to overcompensate. I often feel like I'm not giving enough, ever, even when I'm giving way to much for a lost cause.
And that's not okay.
So I kinda gave up. No, not gave up, I still want to date around and experience everything I can
but I've learned that if it's not working
it doesn't have to be my fault
and I most definitely don't have to fix it.
For the first time in a while,
I don't feel like I HAVE to have a crush on someone.
I can just... be.
Because I know someday in the future,
I'll meet someone that will trip when he sees me for the first time (because honestly that's just too cute)
And he'll walk right up to me
and say 'You and me, we're watching *insert movie title here* at *insert time here*. And yes, I am asking you on a date.'
And all I'll have to do is nod, probably blush, and say 'okay.'
Someone who I can TALK to.
About everything.
Someone who will feel like he can TALK to me.
Someone who will take one look at me and pull me into a bear hug, and will stay there until after my tears subside.
Someone who is adorable with little kids
and who treats his own mother like a queen (and that's how I'll know he'll treat me like one too).
Someone who knows he doesn't understand what it's like to have anxiety but
does know to stay by my side and hold me until the attack ends. And wants to.
Someone who is weird, like me, but not weirder than me (That's a delicate balance, my friends- I'm already technically weird enough for all of us.)
Someone who scratches my back and plays with my hair, and then who gives up after a half hour and says 'OKAY IT'S MY TURN!'
Someone who looks at me when I walk in the room with an awed expression, and tells me I'm beautiful.
Someone who will get down on one knee and pour out his heart and promise to love me for eternity.
It'll come, someday.
And because I know it's coming, I'm okay with celebrating Single's Awareness day for now.
I've never had my heart broken.
I almost wish I had though.
My one experience with a relationship was equal to me giving everything.
EVERYTHING.
And getting next to nothing in return.
"What do you want to do?" -me
"I don't care." -him
"Whatever you want" -him
"idk" -him.
But the quintessential moment, the first kiss given under a waterfall, wasn't that worth it?
Well, yes. Because now I have the story.
But did we have chemistry?
Did I spend all night on the phone with him, talking about the meaning of life?
Did he surprise me with cute things?
Did all my dreams come true?
no.
I mean, come on. We dated for like a month.
and it seems like a whole lot of relationships end up the same way for a lot of people.
I have so much love and trust to give, but I've learned that I tend to overcompensate. I often feel like I'm not giving enough, ever, even when I'm giving way to much for a lost cause.
And that's not okay.
So I kinda gave up. No, not gave up, I still want to date around and experience everything I can
but I've learned that if it's not working
it doesn't have to be my fault
and I most definitely don't have to fix it.
For the first time in a while,
I don't feel like I HAVE to have a crush on someone.
I can just... be.
Because I know someday in the future,
I'll meet someone that will trip when he sees me for the first time (because honestly that's just too cute)
And he'll walk right up to me
and say 'You and me, we're watching *insert movie title here* at *insert time here*. And yes, I am asking you on a date.'
And all I'll have to do is nod, probably blush, and say 'okay.'
Someone who I can TALK to.
About everything.
Someone who will feel like he can TALK to me.
Someone who will take one look at me and pull me into a bear hug, and will stay there until after my tears subside.
Someone who is adorable with little kids
and who treats his own mother like a queen (and that's how I'll know he'll treat me like one too).
Someone who knows he doesn't understand what it's like to have anxiety but
does know to stay by my side and hold me until the attack ends. And wants to.
Someone who is weird, like me, but not weirder than me (That's a delicate balance, my friends- I'm already technically weird enough for all of us.)
Someone who scratches my back and plays with my hair, and then who gives up after a half hour and says 'OKAY IT'S MY TURN!'
Someone who looks at me when I walk in the room with an awed expression, and tells me I'm beautiful.
Someone who will get down on one knee and pour out his heart and promise to love me for eternity.
It'll come, someday.
And because I know it's coming, I'm okay with celebrating Single's Awareness day for now.
This is awesome. You inspire me. Now I want to write something about love
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