two pairs of tears on my pillow

I cry myself to sleep, sure I won't get asked to homecoming.
My friend asks me the next day if she can do my hair for homecoming, because she knows someone who's going to ask me.

I cry myself to sleep, wishing my friend would just answer one text.
I wake up to find a novel via phone, apologizing, full of love.

I cry myself to sleep, wishing all my food allergies would just go away.
I go to a new doctor who tells me I can eat normally again, that the previous doctor made a mistake.

I cry myself to sleep, thinking I'm worthless and I'll never get my shining moment. Thinking I'll never get a solo because I'm too 'ensemble-worthy'. Too good in groups. Not good enough alone.
I get a message, apologizing that it took so long but I have one of the two solos; and that I was one of the first that came to their minds when initially planning.

what.

I feel foolish. I feel vain.
But I feel so blessed. So grateful.

Guys. I know that a lot of you are resistant to listening to testimonies or any mention of God in Paris. But I don't care if you stop reading my blog. Because I'm what going to tell you means SO MUCH to me. It has changed me, completely.

God knows me. Me, someone who I don't even know that well. He cares about the stupid, silly things that I care about that have no eternal value whatsoever. He hears me crying every night and sends His Son to weep with me. 'Jesus wept.' Not because Lazarus was dead (He let it happen and knew he would be saved), but because everyone around Him was suffering and mourning.

God knows you. Knows you better than your friends do, better than your parents do, better than you do. And He cares about you more than you can even imagine.

Prayers are answered, always. 
Things get better, always.
Maybe not how we want them to; 
but much, much better.